Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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