No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
