I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
