i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
