Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
