I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am puke
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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