Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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