I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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