3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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