I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
