If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
