Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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