dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
