He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
