birth control should be required to get into college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
