How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
