I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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