my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
