You're so nebulous sometimes
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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