so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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