I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
