U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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