I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
