So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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