In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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