Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
