i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
