Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize