some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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