All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pants are for mortals
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
