Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
