I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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