Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
