i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
