I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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