he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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