My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just puked most of my soul out..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
