i love accidental penises.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
