i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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