my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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