im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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