garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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