I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
