Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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