Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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