just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
