I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
