How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
