billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
