Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
