I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
