found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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