I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Holy sore nipples Batman
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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