the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
