I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
