i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
