I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
