I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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