Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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