Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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