do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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