the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
