There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
