If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's always time for handjobs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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