I CAN MOONWALK!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
