he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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