Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
