i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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