My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
