If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
