I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
