I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
