I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
