The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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