I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
