Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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