Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
