OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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