i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
