im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
