you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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