Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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