2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
