Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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