I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
