Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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