Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
