Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
