Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
